Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
