He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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