I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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