is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she told me i tasted like america
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
