things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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