Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
