I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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