Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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