I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
