She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
