Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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