i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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