i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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