i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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