His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
