Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
