You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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