I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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