So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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