last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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