Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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