its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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