we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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