fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
