just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
