The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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