Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
