I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize