Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
