Where is the hickey?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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