I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
