I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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