I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
