so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
