I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
