oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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