I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
