if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
