I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize