No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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