Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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