the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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