paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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