glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
