Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Damn victory sex feels great
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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