If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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