2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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