Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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