dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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