if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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