The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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