At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
