Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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