So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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