i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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