Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
