HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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