if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
