Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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