i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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