i think my tv is drunk
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
