Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The beer is more important than you right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
