My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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