You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
