I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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