I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
